then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Bring me that man meat
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
