I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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