Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i need some magic done to my vagina
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
