Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
What did we do last night that was yellow?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
