I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
