my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
