You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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