Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
