Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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