you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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