I'm drive I can fine osifer
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
