I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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