Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
