did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dear god my vagina.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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