I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
