Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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