I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
