THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
