You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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