There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
