if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
