In the future we'll all be gay
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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