I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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