i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
