Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
