The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
