I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
