I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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