mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Randomize