If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
