And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
A+ Viking dick
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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