I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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