You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
