Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
