I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
