I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
