so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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