i just wanna soil my oats bro
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
