she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
