if i can run in heels then i can drive
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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