So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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