Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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