and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
