So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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