my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
