walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
