these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
