roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
