Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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