I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
