P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
