Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
