I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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