I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
