there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
