i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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