The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
And then he peed in my hair
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