Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
