too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
