they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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