i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
