I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize