went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
