I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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