the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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