i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
