put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize