Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
